capital A for awesome

first semester of this masters' in instructional systems is DOWN!!! woo-freaking-hoo! it's been an interesting journey, and i did it. as ivy said, after her first piano recital (my 8 year old niece), "i'm so proud of me!"

haha. but really. it was hard, but i enjoyed it, and learned a great deal. i'm excited for the next semester and then of course, for the progress that gradually marches on. for next semester i finally have a job, so that'll be nice. i'll be working as the attendant in two different computer labs on campus. about 18 hours a week. i'll have another 3 classes. by the way, classes i just finished were 'instructional systems' (still waiting on my grade), human resource development (online and a butt kicker), and theories of learning and cognition. for spring i will have performance systems analysis, staff training and development (online), and an inquiry and measurement course. i'm thrilled about the job, it'll feel great to be saving money for when i'm done here. plus, it'll be wonderful to have more things going on in my life, more chances to interact with others and just not be by myself so much. :) also, i have 3 shifts at night, so hopefully i'll be able to work on homework in that time....

other changes i'm looking forward to are living in a new apartment and part of town. the area i was in was off campus student housing in a character-less neighborhood, and really not so bad, i just abhorred the linoleum floors. nasty to walk on and then annoying to clean. so the carpet will be a simple joy. it would be nice to get to use my rad vacuum that did travel across the entire length of the united states....another small thrill will be having 2 sinks in the kitchen, AND more counter space. so yay for minor luxuries. i'm sure i never would have enjoyed life quite so much in a prior generation.....

settling in

so after the initial twilight zone experience, "uh, is this really my new home/dorm?" i'm really diggin' on my new place. it's nothing fancy, or heck, even modern for that matter, but it'll do. i didn't have to pay for furniture (just a bed) and i have vaulted ceilings with beautiful views of green, what more is there? it's also lovely quiet, which is priceless.....

i'm discovering new bugs. or old bugs, depending upon how you look at it. some huge thing, that actually can fly, was dead outside my door the other day. a new species to me. i posted on facebook and found out from a friend, it was actually a cicada. or those bugs in the desert (that i've been listening to for years!) that make that crazy constant buzz sound. if you don't know what i'm talking about, you get used to the sound, so it's easy to tune out. and now i know what i'm hearing. i wonder what other freak creatures i've heard but not known?!

my neighbors are mostly chinese, i met the girl next door, the day before she was leaving. she's also chinese and told me that that's why she's leaving. "too chinese village here for me" was her comment. i smiled. i wonder where she ended up. i have yet to meet anyone else, we just smile at each other and go about our business.

anne took me down to st. marks today....it's a place down by the gulf. so that was my first time really getting out. it was lovely to feel the area around here. it's odd when you can only see the trees around, because everything is so flat. the trees and greenery is as bright and ancient looking as it could be, so i never tire of looking around and feeling/seeing it. but i do miss them mountains! many of these old twisty trees are right out of novels and movies...that look like they have lots of stories to tell...the kind with the hanging brown thread that looks like it's been there forever, living with the branches....anne says this is full of chiggers. uh, that's good to know. her brother apparently thought it would be funny to wear it one day he was visiting. and it was funny, only then he got chiggers. not so funny. -note to self, no costuming from the chigger plants...

p.s. and the gulf? greenery up to the water, with a lovely lighthouse built in the mid 1800's. and used during the civil war. lot's of beautiful orange with ornate patterns butterflies. there are crocs in all the swampies leading up to it, but they must have been hiding out/keeping cool under the water. no beach to speak of. just rocks everywhere and the water was a grayish non-inviting color. the beaches are about 2 hours away. i can't wait!

FIRST EVER solo cross country drive 2010

what a good time that was! i left yucca valley, california and drove for almost 4 days. the drive was perfect, luckily i spaced the days out so i wasn't too mental at the end. the entire trip was almost all on highway 10 heading east of course. which means i was on the southmost highway, so that was fun. i have never gone this far before nor have i seen all that i did! unless you count that time we drove to texas when i was 6 with my dad. however all i seem to recall is long stretches of brown and dads' way nasty habit of 'hocking a loog?' and then spitting it out the window. good times....i wonder what jude remembers?
i had never been east of phoenix, along that route, so it was fascinating to watch the terrain change. and it did drastically. i had no idea that arizona would turn from desert into green and red! it was all gorgeous. the landscape was lush and frankly the antithesis of my imagination. and then i saw rock piles, to equal those in joshua tree, and i was more in love.
and texas was more of the same, minus the rock piles. which further blew my mind! my image of texas (this was my first ADULT time to see it, mind you) was NOT of verdant land or luscious green plants every which way! i have never seen an ocotillo that was actually green, and i had no idea they even did that, ha ha. the ones in the desert are like driftwood!
anyway, it was beautiful.
of course, texas took a day and a half to drive through.
which is also mind blowing.
the rest, louisiana, mississippi, alabama, and then florida were all pretty much alike. seen lots of south florida, but never the other states. they are just green and wet and crazy rainstormy. which is what happened the night i drove into mobile, alabama.
this was a night i will never forget because i saw purple lightning for the first time. yes!
it was gorgeous. gigantic bolts like from a graphic novel. and truly purple. it was surreal. it's something about how high up they are in the atmosphere, that turns them that color, mom was telling me.
anyway, i hope to never forget. the rainstorm that followed was pretty intense too. i made it to my hotel just in time to get only a little soaking.

good story

so....here's a story from camp.....they had this barbed wire fence that the kids had to go over....they built what's called a 'sty' which was just steps that went up and over it. as we were coming back from our journey, and while crossing the sty again, one of the kids, jesus, turns and says, "wow, that thing is really cool! they should put one of those at the border. it would sure make things easier!"

the 'cool thing' in the previous story

:)

it's late for me....after 10pm.....i just came home from probably one of the top scariest drives....dumping snow as i ascended and descended fremont pass...elevation over 11,000 feet. remember how the stars look in movies or shows where spaceships jump to warp speed? yeah, that's how driving was EXACTLY tonight. i was glad for the car in front....they'll never know how much.

another week has flown by. i find myself smiling and happy inside at it's close. it began with that huge trip to camp with my 6th graders. and it went by rather fast, and yet slow at the same time. i had a few moments while it was going on to feel grateful to be there. it was somewhat of a break from teaching, although the around the clock part wasn't. but it was sweet to have those few moments with the kids where i got to know them a tiny bit better. a few of the timid ones approached me, which i loved. 6th grade is such an interesting age.

anyway, i will feel like i just climbed mt. everest when this school year is over. just 13 days left....

it's such a hard job for me. why? i can't be myself. i find that extremely grueling and puzzling. i'm someone else when i'm a teacher, and i really hate that. i think that's the problem deep down. on one level i connect with the sense of responsibility that IS the job, that's the part i like i guess. on the other hand, it's not fun to put kids at a distance. which seems to me to be the only way to maintain control. -sigh- i am doing my best, so that's a comfort, but i wish that were good enough. i feel like i cheat the kids in this mindset, but i don't know any other way. so there it is. i'm always searching and consistently not finding. i wonder will that ever end?

a good time

sunday was pretty sweet. i had a little girl, who is 6, look at the biblical scroll i made and then perfectly draw it, with 3d characteristics. that was pretty impressive. and then she waited so adorably for me to tell her exactly how to spell "i love jesus" which she copied down with 6 year old precision. it was awesome. and her name is shelby. teaching the ctr's is very good for me....

another day

another day has just rolled on through. unlike me, i joined a gym last week. and even more unlike me, i don't feel like working out. i go snowboarding for usually 4 hours every saturday, this week i also went monday, and for whatever reason, that feels like enough.

which it's totally not.

i'm more interested in watching movies. i'm on some sort of mission to use my netflix account twice a week. so much eye candy. i just finished 'in the land of women.' i think i saw that with my mom the first time. i loved it, the main character especially. i easily fell in love with him. i hope i get to marry a writer. there is just nothing sexier than someone who can express himself verbally.

-sigh-

as i walked out of the elevator and down the hall towards my front door i heard ominous barking. the barking got louder the closer i got to my door and when i turned my head to look, i saw a couple of FIERCE looking chihauhuas racing towards me. i barely made it inside. that was definitely the scariest part of my day. ;)

i was reading this book i keep and reread every few years and this part hit me again last night. it talks about how the ability to forgive can't really be achieved until the person wanting to forgive expresses how they were wronged. like gets it all out. huh. very interesting i think and very true. this expression need not be directly to that person, often that wouldn't help, but indirectly is the recommended way. write a letter, whatever. this is something to think about again and apply. i think i'm almost entirely close to forgiving my dad. it feels like this would be an exercise worth doing. life is too short, what am i waiting for?

also, insofar as forgiving people for the small things, it makes me smile when i think about also applying this technique. so here i go: "dawn, i really wish you had listened to me. i DID not ask for you to cut all my hair off. i feel like the person i used to be, the person who chose destructive habits, when i look in the mirror and see my short hair. you don't know this, but it sucks to be reminded. so i'm ticked at you for not listening and for not knowing how personal this is for me. and how could you? -sigh-"

the end.

p.s. thanks for the homemade brownies, ms. g. you rock.

p.p.s. or p.s.s.? i want a polaroid camera. so i take pics of the funny shirts kids wear in my classes.

a 3 day weekend stretches before me.....

what a lovely feeling it is too! tomorrow i sleep in.....then off to a delicious breakfast.....then a day of snowboarding.
i don't require much.

i should be studying for the gre but i confess my heart would rather not. i'll study on monday a little, and then each day next week....it'll be my last week to cram and i'm sure to use it. cramming is the only way to stay sane, in my case.

it's been a funny week at work. i'm flabbergasted at how many times i've gotten sick here. took a half day on monday, and then the whole day off yesterday. had a fever for at least a day. and this is the third time i've been sick which means every 2 months. which is crazy talk for me. i hardly ever get sick. especially in hawaii. in fact, in hawaii, the least, if ever. i find that interesting. i think my body is healthier in tropical climes. which means florida should also be good for me. time will tell.

i've gotten all my documents into florida state. i'm beginning to get pretty excited about this next adventure. i'm really not worried about the gre, i hope i'm not being cocky. but truly, i'm not worried. i can do it.

for the next two weeks, i have four day workweeks. i'm looking forward to that. i'm also really beginning to feel like i'm hitting my stride, when it comes to teaching math. i am progressing, which is really all i can ask of myself. it's annoying being a perfectionist, but i manage. ha ha. but, yes, i am doing fine and i'm so grateful for the marvelous coworkers i have that are such a huge comfort to me. not to mention the Spirit! woo-hoo!

:)

such a grand day. i woke to blue skies and the possibility of snow and that delicious feeling when you realize you DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW.

yes. a great feeling. and then church today was especially wonderful. a young family in my ward that i just adore were all speaking during sacrament. such earnest and heartfelt testimonies about the importance of serving others and in being good examples as we all are missionaries. i felt the Spirit all through their talks. their two little boys, 8 and 5, also gave talks and then sang. YES, they sang a song by themselves, "We are as the army of Helamen..." it was moving and beautiful coming from such pure little people. i was deeply affected.

so affected that i kind of embarrassed myself after the prayer. which i gave. and that was wonderful, but then i turned around and reached down to hug the mom while they were still sitting there (a long hug) while the entire ward was waiting for the Sunday school guy to walk up and give his announcements. so everyone probably got a great view of my butt over the pulpit. awesome.

anyway. that was some good times.

my lesson with the little ctr 4-7 year olds had another moment. little abby, who was visiting and is 5, and just adorable with her brightness and dimples, made me laugh. i asked, "what should you do if your mom asked you to make your bed but you're friends were standing at the door, tapping their feet, and waiting for you to come play?" she responded something along the lines of 'that would never happen, i would have already made my bed, and i directly quote "my mom is a clean freak." once i registerd what she said, i got her to repeat it, and of course i couldn't laugh, so i just smiled. and under her breath she said, "yeah, it's annoying." from a 5 year old too. hilarious kid.

anyway....i'm really grateful to get this age group. they are recharging my tolerance batteries. i just love love the littler ones. they also drew pictures today to show themselves in situations where they were doing things Jesus would want them to do. arturo drew himself digging up a worm for a bird "so that he wouldn't be hungry when he hatched." radness.

and there it is. another beautiful day. tomorrow, i get to board as long as i want....hopefully we will get some new snow too!

a fun day

so i had probably one of the FUNNEST days last saturday.....i think the thing that will stick in my memory the longest is meeting a 10 year old on a ski lift. he decided to follow me to my chair, i honestly didn't notice since my back was to him. i was slightly annoyed, since i was sure he'd start talking and i'd have to turn my headphones off. aren't i horrible? so we talked, he was quite self-confident and i found myself grinning in amusement at that. while also chastising self for not being more open. i love kids, but i'm tired of them. teaching for 8 hours in a day is really sucking that level of love down to almost inline with the grinch, i swear! i've got to work on that, totally uncool.

anyway. he was adorable. cherubic face, so bright and totally unconscious of self. the last is my favorite thing about kids. they just do what they do. and he did. told me about the different runs on the mountain, clearly he'd been there much. when questioned, sure 'nuff and this jewel, his reply was, "yeah, i've been skiing since i was less than a year old."

oh really???

lol.

so funny. couldn't call him on it, besides, it was more fun to just listen. then he told me all about climbing the fourteeners around here. apparently, his mom runs the lodge on the mountain we were on too. at one point, he mused about having a remote control to control life. he wondered if i thought that would be cool. of course at this point, i did call him on it, by pointing out "yeah, like in the movie 'click it?" maybe slightly not nice, but i was also looking to see if he'd seen it....

another jewel of a moment, was when, on our second lift ride together, on these heinously slow chairs, he said, "if i had a remote, right now i would use it to fast forward this chair." he wasn't saying it to be funny. kids are great. he reminded me to not lose my sense of humor.....thanks, conner!