:)

it's late for me....after 10pm.....i just came home from probably one of the top scariest drives....dumping snow as i ascended and descended fremont pass...elevation over 11,000 feet. remember how the stars look in movies or shows where spaceships jump to warp speed? yeah, that's how driving was EXACTLY tonight. i was glad for the car in front....they'll never know how much.

another week has flown by. i find myself smiling and happy inside at it's close. it began with that huge trip to camp with my 6th graders. and it went by rather fast, and yet slow at the same time. i had a few moments while it was going on to feel grateful to be there. it was somewhat of a break from teaching, although the around the clock part wasn't. but it was sweet to have those few moments with the kids where i got to know them a tiny bit better. a few of the timid ones approached me, which i loved. 6th grade is such an interesting age.

anyway, i will feel like i just climbed mt. everest when this school year is over. just 13 days left....

it's such a hard job for me. why? i can't be myself. i find that extremely grueling and puzzling. i'm someone else when i'm a teacher, and i really hate that. i think that's the problem deep down. on one level i connect with the sense of responsibility that IS the job, that's the part i like i guess. on the other hand, it's not fun to put kids at a distance. which seems to me to be the only way to maintain control. -sigh- i am doing my best, so that's a comfort, but i wish that were good enough. i feel like i cheat the kids in this mindset, but i don't know any other way. so there it is. i'm always searching and consistently not finding. i wonder will that ever end?