capital A for awesome

first semester of this masters' in instructional systems is DOWN!!! woo-freaking-hoo! it's been an interesting journey, and i did it. as ivy said, after her first piano recital (my 8 year old niece), "i'm so proud of me!"

haha. but really. it was hard, but i enjoyed it, and learned a great deal. i'm excited for the next semester and then of course, for the progress that gradually marches on. for next semester i finally have a job, so that'll be nice. i'll be working as the attendant in two different computer labs on campus. about 18 hours a week. i'll have another 3 classes. by the way, classes i just finished were 'instructional systems' (still waiting on my grade), human resource development (online and a butt kicker), and theories of learning and cognition. for spring i will have performance systems analysis, staff training and development (online), and an inquiry and measurement course. i'm thrilled about the job, it'll feel great to be saving money for when i'm done here. plus, it'll be wonderful to have more things going on in my life, more chances to interact with others and just not be by myself so much. :) also, i have 3 shifts at night, so hopefully i'll be able to work on homework in that time....

other changes i'm looking forward to are living in a new apartment and part of town. the area i was in was off campus student housing in a character-less neighborhood, and really not so bad, i just abhorred the linoleum floors. nasty to walk on and then annoying to clean. so the carpet will be a simple joy. it would be nice to get to use my rad vacuum that did travel across the entire length of the united states....another small thrill will be having 2 sinks in the kitchen, AND more counter space. so yay for minor luxuries. i'm sure i never would have enjoyed life quite so much in a prior generation.....

settling in

so after the initial twilight zone experience, "uh, is this really my new home/dorm?" i'm really diggin' on my new place. it's nothing fancy, or heck, even modern for that matter, but it'll do. i didn't have to pay for furniture (just a bed) and i have vaulted ceilings with beautiful views of green, what more is there? it's also lovely quiet, which is priceless.....

i'm discovering new bugs. or old bugs, depending upon how you look at it. some huge thing, that actually can fly, was dead outside my door the other day. a new species to me. i posted on facebook and found out from a friend, it was actually a cicada. or those bugs in the desert (that i've been listening to for years!) that make that crazy constant buzz sound. if you don't know what i'm talking about, you get used to the sound, so it's easy to tune out. and now i know what i'm hearing. i wonder what other freak creatures i've heard but not known?!

my neighbors are mostly chinese, i met the girl next door, the day before she was leaving. she's also chinese and told me that that's why she's leaving. "too chinese village here for me" was her comment. i smiled. i wonder where she ended up. i have yet to meet anyone else, we just smile at each other and go about our business.

anne took me down to st. marks today....it's a place down by the gulf. so that was my first time really getting out. it was lovely to feel the area around here. it's odd when you can only see the trees around, because everything is so flat. the trees and greenery is as bright and ancient looking as it could be, so i never tire of looking around and feeling/seeing it. but i do miss them mountains! many of these old twisty trees are right out of novels and movies...that look like they have lots of stories to tell...the kind with the hanging brown thread that looks like it's been there forever, living with the branches....anne says this is full of chiggers. uh, that's good to know. her brother apparently thought it would be funny to wear it one day he was visiting. and it was funny, only then he got chiggers. not so funny. -note to self, no costuming from the chigger plants...

p.s. and the gulf? greenery up to the water, with a lovely lighthouse built in the mid 1800's. and used during the civil war. lot's of beautiful orange with ornate patterns butterflies. there are crocs in all the swampies leading up to it, but they must have been hiding out/keeping cool under the water. no beach to speak of. just rocks everywhere and the water was a grayish non-inviting color. the beaches are about 2 hours away. i can't wait!

FIRST EVER solo cross country drive 2010

what a good time that was! i left yucca valley, california and drove for almost 4 days. the drive was perfect, luckily i spaced the days out so i wasn't too mental at the end. the entire trip was almost all on highway 10 heading east of course. which means i was on the southmost highway, so that was fun. i have never gone this far before nor have i seen all that i did! unless you count that time we drove to texas when i was 6 with my dad. however all i seem to recall is long stretches of brown and dads' way nasty habit of 'hocking a loog?' and then spitting it out the window. good times....i wonder what jude remembers?
i had never been east of phoenix, along that route, so it was fascinating to watch the terrain change. and it did drastically. i had no idea that arizona would turn from desert into green and red! it was all gorgeous. the landscape was lush and frankly the antithesis of my imagination. and then i saw rock piles, to equal those in joshua tree, and i was more in love.
and texas was more of the same, minus the rock piles. which further blew my mind! my image of texas (this was my first ADULT time to see it, mind you) was NOT of verdant land or luscious green plants every which way! i have never seen an ocotillo that was actually green, and i had no idea they even did that, ha ha. the ones in the desert are like driftwood!
anyway, it was beautiful.
of course, texas took a day and a half to drive through.
which is also mind blowing.
the rest, louisiana, mississippi, alabama, and then florida were all pretty much alike. seen lots of south florida, but never the other states. they are just green and wet and crazy rainstormy. which is what happened the night i drove into mobile, alabama.
this was a night i will never forget because i saw purple lightning for the first time. yes!
it was gorgeous. gigantic bolts like from a graphic novel. and truly purple. it was surreal. it's something about how high up they are in the atmosphere, that turns them that color, mom was telling me.
anyway, i hope to never forget. the rainstorm that followed was pretty intense too. i made it to my hotel just in time to get only a little soaking.

good story

so....here's a story from camp.....they had this barbed wire fence that the kids had to go over....they built what's called a 'sty' which was just steps that went up and over it. as we were coming back from our journey, and while crossing the sty again, one of the kids, jesus, turns and says, "wow, that thing is really cool! they should put one of those at the border. it would sure make things easier!"

the 'cool thing' in the previous story

:)

it's late for me....after 10pm.....i just came home from probably one of the top scariest drives....dumping snow as i ascended and descended fremont pass...elevation over 11,000 feet. remember how the stars look in movies or shows where spaceships jump to warp speed? yeah, that's how driving was EXACTLY tonight. i was glad for the car in front....they'll never know how much.

another week has flown by. i find myself smiling and happy inside at it's close. it began with that huge trip to camp with my 6th graders. and it went by rather fast, and yet slow at the same time. i had a few moments while it was going on to feel grateful to be there. it was somewhat of a break from teaching, although the around the clock part wasn't. but it was sweet to have those few moments with the kids where i got to know them a tiny bit better. a few of the timid ones approached me, which i loved. 6th grade is such an interesting age.

anyway, i will feel like i just climbed mt. everest when this school year is over. just 13 days left....

it's such a hard job for me. why? i can't be myself. i find that extremely grueling and puzzling. i'm someone else when i'm a teacher, and i really hate that. i think that's the problem deep down. on one level i connect with the sense of responsibility that IS the job, that's the part i like i guess. on the other hand, it's not fun to put kids at a distance. which seems to me to be the only way to maintain control. -sigh- i am doing my best, so that's a comfort, but i wish that were good enough. i feel like i cheat the kids in this mindset, but i don't know any other way. so there it is. i'm always searching and consistently not finding. i wonder will that ever end?

a good time

sunday was pretty sweet. i had a little girl, who is 6, look at the biblical scroll i made and then perfectly draw it, with 3d characteristics. that was pretty impressive. and then she waited so adorably for me to tell her exactly how to spell "i love jesus" which she copied down with 6 year old precision. it was awesome. and her name is shelby. teaching the ctr's is very good for me....

another day

another day has just rolled on through. unlike me, i joined a gym last week. and even more unlike me, i don't feel like working out. i go snowboarding for usually 4 hours every saturday, this week i also went monday, and for whatever reason, that feels like enough.

which it's totally not.

i'm more interested in watching movies. i'm on some sort of mission to use my netflix account twice a week. so much eye candy. i just finished 'in the land of women.' i think i saw that with my mom the first time. i loved it, the main character especially. i easily fell in love with him. i hope i get to marry a writer. there is just nothing sexier than someone who can express himself verbally.

-sigh-

as i walked out of the elevator and down the hall towards my front door i heard ominous barking. the barking got louder the closer i got to my door and when i turned my head to look, i saw a couple of FIERCE looking chihauhuas racing towards me. i barely made it inside. that was definitely the scariest part of my day. ;)

i was reading this book i keep and reread every few years and this part hit me again last night. it talks about how the ability to forgive can't really be achieved until the person wanting to forgive expresses how they were wronged. like gets it all out. huh. very interesting i think and very true. this expression need not be directly to that person, often that wouldn't help, but indirectly is the recommended way. write a letter, whatever. this is something to think about again and apply. i think i'm almost entirely close to forgiving my dad. it feels like this would be an exercise worth doing. life is too short, what am i waiting for?

also, insofar as forgiving people for the small things, it makes me smile when i think about also applying this technique. so here i go: "dawn, i really wish you had listened to me. i DID not ask for you to cut all my hair off. i feel like the person i used to be, the person who chose destructive habits, when i look in the mirror and see my short hair. you don't know this, but it sucks to be reminded. so i'm ticked at you for not listening and for not knowing how personal this is for me. and how could you? -sigh-"

the end.

p.s. thanks for the homemade brownies, ms. g. you rock.

p.p.s. or p.s.s.? i want a polaroid camera. so i take pics of the funny shirts kids wear in my classes.

a 3 day weekend stretches before me.....

what a lovely feeling it is too! tomorrow i sleep in.....then off to a delicious breakfast.....then a day of snowboarding.
i don't require much.

i should be studying for the gre but i confess my heart would rather not. i'll study on monday a little, and then each day next week....it'll be my last week to cram and i'm sure to use it. cramming is the only way to stay sane, in my case.

it's been a funny week at work. i'm flabbergasted at how many times i've gotten sick here. took a half day on monday, and then the whole day off yesterday. had a fever for at least a day. and this is the third time i've been sick which means every 2 months. which is crazy talk for me. i hardly ever get sick. especially in hawaii. in fact, in hawaii, the least, if ever. i find that interesting. i think my body is healthier in tropical climes. which means florida should also be good for me. time will tell.

i've gotten all my documents into florida state. i'm beginning to get pretty excited about this next adventure. i'm really not worried about the gre, i hope i'm not being cocky. but truly, i'm not worried. i can do it.

for the next two weeks, i have four day workweeks. i'm looking forward to that. i'm also really beginning to feel like i'm hitting my stride, when it comes to teaching math. i am progressing, which is really all i can ask of myself. it's annoying being a perfectionist, but i manage. ha ha. but, yes, i am doing fine and i'm so grateful for the marvelous coworkers i have that are such a huge comfort to me. not to mention the Spirit! woo-hoo!

:)

such a grand day. i woke to blue skies and the possibility of snow and that delicious feeling when you realize you DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW.

yes. a great feeling. and then church today was especially wonderful. a young family in my ward that i just adore were all speaking during sacrament. such earnest and heartfelt testimonies about the importance of serving others and in being good examples as we all are missionaries. i felt the Spirit all through their talks. their two little boys, 8 and 5, also gave talks and then sang. YES, they sang a song by themselves, "We are as the army of Helamen..." it was moving and beautiful coming from such pure little people. i was deeply affected.

so affected that i kind of embarrassed myself after the prayer. which i gave. and that was wonderful, but then i turned around and reached down to hug the mom while they were still sitting there (a long hug) while the entire ward was waiting for the Sunday school guy to walk up and give his announcements. so everyone probably got a great view of my butt over the pulpit. awesome.

anyway. that was some good times.

my lesson with the little ctr 4-7 year olds had another moment. little abby, who was visiting and is 5, and just adorable with her brightness and dimples, made me laugh. i asked, "what should you do if your mom asked you to make your bed but you're friends were standing at the door, tapping their feet, and waiting for you to come play?" she responded something along the lines of 'that would never happen, i would have already made my bed, and i directly quote "my mom is a clean freak." once i registerd what she said, i got her to repeat it, and of course i couldn't laugh, so i just smiled. and under her breath she said, "yeah, it's annoying." from a 5 year old too. hilarious kid.

anyway....i'm really grateful to get this age group. they are recharging my tolerance batteries. i just love love the littler ones. they also drew pictures today to show themselves in situations where they were doing things Jesus would want them to do. arturo drew himself digging up a worm for a bird "so that he wouldn't be hungry when he hatched." radness.

and there it is. another beautiful day. tomorrow, i get to board as long as i want....hopefully we will get some new snow too!

a fun day

so i had probably one of the FUNNEST days last saturday.....i think the thing that will stick in my memory the longest is meeting a 10 year old on a ski lift. he decided to follow me to my chair, i honestly didn't notice since my back was to him. i was slightly annoyed, since i was sure he'd start talking and i'd have to turn my headphones off. aren't i horrible? so we talked, he was quite self-confident and i found myself grinning in amusement at that. while also chastising self for not being more open. i love kids, but i'm tired of them. teaching for 8 hours in a day is really sucking that level of love down to almost inline with the grinch, i swear! i've got to work on that, totally uncool.

anyway. he was adorable. cherubic face, so bright and totally unconscious of self. the last is my favorite thing about kids. they just do what they do. and he did. told me about the different runs on the mountain, clearly he'd been there much. when questioned, sure 'nuff and this jewel, his reply was, "yeah, i've been skiing since i was less than a year old."

oh really???

lol.

so funny. couldn't call him on it, besides, it was more fun to just listen. then he told me all about climbing the fourteeners around here. apparently, his mom runs the lodge on the mountain we were on too. at one point, he mused about having a remote control to control life. he wondered if i thought that would be cool. of course at this point, i did call him on it, by pointing out "yeah, like in the movie 'click it?" maybe slightly not nice, but i was also looking to see if he'd seen it....

another jewel of a moment, was when, on our second lift ride together, on these heinously slow chairs, he said, "if i had a remote, right now i would use it to fast forward this chair." he wasn't saying it to be funny. kids are great. he reminded me to not lose my sense of humor.....thanks, conner!

a great sabbath

today was marvelous. i got to give the lesson in gospel doctrine and i just love that. it's always nerve wracking but everything turns out thanks to the Spirit. i prayed really hard that He would be with me and the people in class and He was! i always feel so strong and yet so weak at the same time, teaching like that. i cry and yadda yadda. but several people came up afterwards and said how good it went, so i am glad. especially glad that it's over, ha!

next week i start teaching the ctr's. this will be interesting because apparently my class will be combined with the kids below in age. so i will have 6,7 and 8 year olds. a wide disparity in ages will make for some interesting times. the primary president said that this will change with the new year, that another teacher will be called. hallelujah!

speaking of, things are moving really fast and i'm so looking forward to the next year! so much could be different just half way through this next year, so i'm thrilled as i contemplate it. i am going to start studying for the GRE in the next week or so. i'd like to take it when i go home for christmas. i am waiting on a friends' advice as to how much time i should devote in preparation. the deadline to apply for the program at byu provo is february 1st......

but i'm also really looking forward to the upcoming vacations and going home to be with my mom. she's doing good, but work life is making her crazy. we will both welcome the break and each other's company.

this week are parent teacher conferences and i feel a deep sense of calm from the Spirit. i would love to freak out about it, but i won't. there's no need. i'm doing my best and i know that and that's all anyone can expect. so i do really feel good about the conferences. AND i have taken the day off right after. so this will be a 4 day work week for me, sweet!!!

there's a singles conference this weekend down in denver that i might go to. i already have to go to denver on friday to pick dawn up from the airport. but then i'm dropping her off to pick up her car in the shop and so she will have a ride home.....so we shall see.

other than these things, life is good. my body is strong and healthy and the chiropractor is a serious blessing. my neck pain is almost all gone and i know now how stress induced it is. key: refuse to be stressed!

i'm in the paper for the first time ever!!!!

click here to see!

it's november!

my favorite pic from halloween this year!


another favorite pic of this breathtaking world



i get to go home for a week for thanksgiving break. i'm so looking forward to it!

the sunday before last we had a really great lesson during sunday school and i don't think i mentioned it. it was pointed out that we live in the only time in the history of the earth when the most saints are living at one time. the teacher pointed out the membership, about 14 million members worldwide. and then we agreed upon the general number of people on the planet currently, around 7 billion (6.795 to be exact), and divided that number and the following came: for every 500 people, one is a member of the church.....it's a little off, but you get the idea. it was mind blowing, to look at the numbers that way....and then for him to point out how vastly different that is from what it ever has been was illuminating to think about! i loved it. it's something one does not often consider. we tend to see the world as growing more and more unrighteous, but fail to notice that simultaneously, righteousness is also growing.

it has changed my paradigm: made me more grateful to live in these latter days. (and more willing to suffer ;) and it will only keep growing, as the prophets have foretold. President Monson just announced at conference that 130 temples are in operation around the world, and that 83% of the members live within 200 miles of one. how spectacular is that?

anyway.....these are some of the things i think about.

work has been stress filled, but again, by the grace of God, i am getting through it. we have parent teacher conferences next week and i'm so looking forward to them being over! i am going to set it up so that the kids do 'student led conferences' thereby putting the responsibility on them and hopefully sending a message to the parents. we shall see. it's difficult since these kids just came out of the elementary school environment. difficult to get them to see that THEY are responsible for their learning, and not me. it's further compounded as we try and train the parents as well. i am really very much looking forward to that day when i won't need to worry that i am the odd woman out. the odd one who gets all this. -sigh- teaching. i love it and i hate it.

how i live for the weekend.

p.s. my diploma finally came in the mail. wow, just wow.

the view from my amazing old apartment

one month down, 8 more to go!

it's been a great week. i'm really beginning to feel like i've got a handle on things in the classroom. of course, each new week throws more hurtles at me, so this may change! ;) for instance, this wed we have to stay after school for another 4 hours for what are called 'strategic conferences.' me and my grade level team will have to meet with the parents of children whom we have all identified as already failing. so this should be interesting.

last week we had open house and it was actually totally fine. i was grumpy about having to spend 3 hours after school, but it turned out to be actually nice. they fed us a chili dinner, and the parents of some of our kids came to meet us. i had a good time. so many sweet people and kids here.

also this week i have state testing to conduct, but that will actually be a break from teaching. two whole days of it for both of my main block classes. so yes, this should be actually relaxing. it better be!

tomorrow after work i meet with my new dentist. they've agreed to just see me for a few minutes since they couldn't give me an appointment until much later in the month. i think the water here is staining my teeth and yes, i am more than a little freaked out about it. i bought myself a water filter, so now at least i won't be worried about the water. i am sure the water here is full of lead and other junk. -sigh-

rad to have medical benefits again. so rad!

yesterday we had our big women's conference in preparation for the semi-annual conference. the relief society president had invited us down to her house, super close to the chapel, and food was provided. it was so nice to travel down there and have food and a comfortable seat! i was grateful. the message that i received from this conference was to endeavor to have more charity. elder eyring spoke about that so tenderly and i felt the Spirit so strong. i felt how grateful i am to have the gospel in it's fullness, to have everything we need, because of the work of those who have gone before us. i felt a renewed conviction to do my part to progress the work.

i also felt comforted from the single sister in the presidency who spoke. she is a dear woman and i felt how much the Lord loves me through her testimony.

nothing blinding or magnificent happened during this conference, but i did feel happiness and gratefulness in being a part of relief society. and that was enough. i left smiling and feeling sated.

i also smiled at the thought that we were sitting in a room with a bunch of real stuffed animals staring at us the whole time. an entire 9 foot grizzly bear, a bison head, a moose head, massive deer heads, several smaller heads, and let's not forget the entire mountain goat in the corner either. not a women's conference that will soon be forgotten!

p.s. i am back on my genealogy again. reading books, ordering more info, and glad to be starting back again. this is going to feel so good!

p.s.s. this last week i: finished fablehaven series (until the 5th and last comes out), cooked an artichoke for the first time ever, rode the mineral belt trail (first time again) on my bike, swam in the righteous community pool (first trip) AND went exploring frisco by myself. good times!

my favorite of all of 'em!

i especially love lane's little tooth....but his expression is classic....jude said it looked like he was up to something...lol....totally true....cheyenne said he looks like me here, and she's right! i have a pic somewhere of the same expression and i'm DEFINITELY up to something....now where is it?....

a few days old baby scarlet

i really love this one....she looks like a little caterpillar....

baby scarlet

this was us in the hospital...

This picture encapsulates the beauty of philadelphia and the denseness of that beauty. we went to a park, Wissahickon Valley, and this is actually taken from there. it was amazing. i love how restful this park bench made me feel.....