So I've been here in Salt Lake City for 2 and a half years now. And I still feel this deep sense of glee and peace about that. There's just so much to do here: Hiking, camping, and friending! Haha. I miss snowboarding, but don't feel sorry for me. ;) I was just out for a Sunday walk and the mountains continue to make me grin as I stare. This is the first spring where I've lived this close to them since coming here, and I never noticed how much red rock there is along the Wasatch front. I wonder if that has to do with all of the green that exploded over the slopes, because the contrast makes the red rocks pop. Hmm. Well, it's lovely. (We've had a great amount of rain this past month. It rained like 23 out of 29 days.)
I miss grandma and grandpa. While I was walking the memories of our trips to southern Utah came back. I actually think alot about those times since moving here. I'm so grateful for the experience that they gave Jude and I. Someday they'll know just how good it was for us to get to leave San Diego and be out in such wild and beautiful country. Oh, how it liberated me. I could just feel the shackles slip away when we'd make that trip. If that sounds dramatic, it should. Middle school was, so far, one of the most trying times of my entire life.
We lived in a ghetto poor part of San Diego. Yes, that's a thing. (Lot's of places like that in SD.) A drug/prostitution ring was busted, in the apartments upstairs from ours. Nice. I still remember men with gold teeth hitting on me while I played in the dirt. But that wasn't really what was so hard. That peripheral stuff didn't quite matter as much. It was school that was so hard. I remember not being able to walk down the street and swing my arms with abandon. To do so would send a message that I was comfortable with myself, and that I wasn't afraid. Other's were always there, ready to beat you down, if you didn't show submission or make yourself not stick out in any way. I consistently felt in fear of being beaten up. You couldn't look people in the eye, because to do so would be a challenge and you'd get beat. Yeah, it was awful and I could go on and on.
So hooray for beautiful places, and people that truly love you, is really what I have to say.
Sunday, June 07, 2015
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
Talk from a WWII Concentration Camp Survivor
I still cannot believe this story, and how fortunate I was to get to hear from this amazing woman. I went to a fireside (think of a Ted Talk, Mormon style) the other night and listened in rapt amazement for approximately 1.5 hours while this story feel from her lips. It was astonishing. Her name is Kitty de Ruyter-Bons and she was a Dutch citizen born in Indonesia. She was about 8 when her family was put on house arrest and soon thereafter put in a Japanese Concentration Camp. She's written a book about it, if you read only one book for leisure in the next year, please read this. It will blow your mind with story after story of courage, integrity, and her incredible mother. I was deeply moved and have since read her book. Here's another interview she did, and here is her book below.
interview:
http://www.mormonchannel.org/conversations/12
book:
http://www.amazon.com/As-I-Have-Loved-You/dp/1591560659
interview:
http://www.mormonchannel.org/conversations/12
book:
http://www.amazon.com/As-I-Have-Loved-You/dp/1591560659
Talk on Domestic Abuse
Tonight we had a speaker come to our church and talk to us about domestic violence. (We had a good turnout too, and it was an honor to be there.) She's a licensed therapist and the director of a local abuse center, or I should say the local abuse shelter. There is only one entity, at least in the Salt Lake City Valley, or from some refinery north down to 'point of the mountain'. It's a non-profit, and they only have 2 homes. Of those two homes, only 200 beds to accomodate about 276 people. Most of which are children. Pause and consider that for a moment!
She gave us some disturbing statistics. 1 in 4 women in Utah are abused, whether emotionally, physically or sexually. 1 in 9 men are as well. Also, they turn away about 70 people a week or a month (I can't remember which but does it matter?) I found that shocking.
My biggest takeaway from this experience was when she asked us WHY we thought people endured the abuse. She pointed out that often times we think things like 'Oh, they must like it', or any number of reasons that are crap. She then asked for a volunteer. A sweet girl I know came forward goodnaturedly. She asked her to hold this bottle in her hand. As she went to hand it to her, and as the girl reached out to take it, she pulled back right at the last second. She asked her again, in a slightly different, more pleading way. The girl reached out again, and again, she pulled back at the last second. She did this several MORE times before stopping, with the same outcomes. And that was our answer. Why did the girl keep responding to her request, keep reaching out her hand?
She gave us some disturbing statistics. 1 in 4 women in Utah are abused, whether emotionally, physically or sexually. 1 in 9 men are as well. Also, they turn away about 70 people a week or a month (I can't remember which but does it matter?) I found that shocking.
My biggest takeaway from this experience was when she asked us WHY we thought people endured the abuse. She pointed out that often times we think things like 'Oh, they must like it', or any number of reasons that are crap. She then asked for a volunteer. A sweet girl I know came forward goodnaturedly. She asked her to hold this bottle in her hand. As she went to hand it to her, and as the girl reached out to take it, she pulled back right at the last second. She asked her again, in a slightly different, more pleading way. The girl reached out again, and again, she pulled back at the last second. She did this several MORE times before stopping, with the same outcomes. And that was our answer. Why did the girl keep responding to her request, keep reaching out her hand?
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Wow. Uh, it's been awhile since my last post. I need to suck less, hahaha! A lot has happened in the last year. Sheesh! K, here's a quick summary to bring anyone who cares up to speed: I no longer live in Florida. Yep, moved just a few months ago to Salt Lake City. Primarily for a new great job, and for lots of other reasons. Like being much closer to my fam, an actual, wait for it, POTENTIAL dating pool, unlike where I was, and for mountains.
Yes, how I've missed snowboarding. And hiking. And just having a view.
Oh, yeah...and....dating. Ah-hem, yes, dating...? ;) Whatever.
Anyway, so here's some more: I graduated in December of 2011 with a second masters degree. This time in Instructional Systems and Technology from Florida State University. Of course, I totally loved my program/instruction and thrilled to find the right career path. And EXTRA thrilled to land a job 2 weeks before graduation. Yes! Can you believe it? I still can't. Hahaha. So that was obviously awesome.
I worked for a small consulting firm that mostly bid on military contracts. I was/am an 'instructional designer' and I primarily worked on analysis of various forms of military training. Essentially, we studied their basis for instruction and curriculum, their needs, and made recommendations based on the data for how to improve courses. The thing I wasn't too keen on was that I worked from home 95% of the time, and so that took the fun out of working really since I didn't get to interact with people at my favorite level and didn't get to learn as much as I would have on a team.
Anyway. The other big no-likey about the job was really how volatile the company was. Too small, and too much crazy. After a few un-fun scenarios, I had had enough. his last one was the kicker: With about 2 weeks notice, they asked me to move to Jacksonville (3 hours away) and work with a partner company. I'd be 'temporarily relocated' for at least 6 months. I had just moved into a new apartment, which they knew about, just 3 months prior, but I was more than willing to go. Which I expressed to them and SUPER-SPEED QUICKLY got my affairs in order so that this could happen. Things like sub-letting my apartment. Paying that fee. Selling off my furniture, you know. And, drumroll, 3 days before I was to move, they changed their minds. Yep. I could hardly believe it. Still can't. No apology, a limp explanation, and no refund. Whatever.
Yes, so obviously, this was completely wild. There I was, homeless, in 3 days. Nice.
Anyway. Things worked out. They ESPECIALLY worked out. I found a new place, yeah still in Florida, moved, and immediately started looking for a new job. In Salt Lake City.
Which I eventually found. Though I had to quit the previous job, without actually having a job, and move across country. But it was right and I knew things would work out.
And that, my friends, happened just a few months ago. It's amusing that I'm here, a place I often protested I would never live! lol. It's another crazy and fun story, and I love it! All I can say, is I'm ever so grateful for prayer and fasting and the Lord. There's just no substitute for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
Yes, how I've missed snowboarding. And hiking. And just having a view.
Oh, yeah...and....dating. Ah-hem, yes, dating...? ;) Whatever.
Anyway, so here's some more: I graduated in December of 2011 with a second masters degree. This time in Instructional Systems and Technology from Florida State University. Of course, I totally loved my program/instruction and thrilled to find the right career path. And EXTRA thrilled to land a job 2 weeks before graduation. Yes! Can you believe it? I still can't. Hahaha. So that was obviously awesome.
I worked for a small consulting firm that mostly bid on military contracts. I was/am an 'instructional designer' and I primarily worked on analysis of various forms of military training. Essentially, we studied their basis for instruction and curriculum, their needs, and made recommendations based on the data for how to improve courses. The thing I wasn't too keen on was that I worked from home 95% of the time, and so that took the fun out of working really since I didn't get to interact with people at my favorite level and didn't get to learn as much as I would have on a team.
Anyway. The other big no-likey about the job was really how volatile the company was. Too small, and too much crazy. After a few un-fun scenarios, I had had enough. his last one was the kicker: With about 2 weeks notice, they asked me to move to Jacksonville (3 hours away) and work with a partner company. I'd be 'temporarily relocated' for at least 6 months. I had just moved into a new apartment, which they knew about, just 3 months prior, but I was more than willing to go. Which I expressed to them and SUPER-SPEED QUICKLY got my affairs in order so that this could happen. Things like sub-letting my apartment. Paying that fee. Selling off my furniture, you know. And, drumroll, 3 days before I was to move, they changed their minds. Yep. I could hardly believe it. Still can't. No apology, a limp explanation, and no refund. Whatever.
Yes, so obviously, this was completely wild. There I was, homeless, in 3 days. Nice.
Anyway. Things worked out. They ESPECIALLY worked out. I found a new place, yeah still in Florida, moved, and immediately started looking for a new job. In Salt Lake City.
Which I eventually found. Though I had to quit the previous job, without actually having a job, and move across country. But it was right and I knew things would work out.
And that, my friends, happened just a few months ago. It's amusing that I'm here, a place I often protested I would never live! lol. It's another crazy and fun story, and I love it! All I can say, is I'm ever so grateful for prayer and fasting and the Lord. There's just no substitute for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
Friday, July 15, 2011
kids and lizards
so the other day while at the movies with a friend to see this sweet documentary 'buck' (on a horse whisperer type guy) i had a random moment. after the movie, i went into the bathroom stall and saw the tiniest and most perfect lizard on the floor. he was 'playing dead' as i've seen some lizards do, so the poor little guy must have been kicked by someone and was terrified. hopefully he wasn't in pain. so i carefully picked him up and walked outside to find some green new home to relocate him. immediately was noticed by some kids, 5 or 6 year old girl and 8 or 9 year old boy and of course they wanted to know what i had in my hand. so i showed them and we had an oh-ah-moment (he looked colorful from what we could see of his belly and what kid doesn't know lizards are cool?). i then explain what i'm doing, that we need to find him a home, and the little boy knows just where to take me. or so he says. so i follow him, 'kids have their ways' i think to myself. as we get closer to wherever he has deemed 'the perfect' home, i realize he's got some big lizard in a cage or maybe his neighbor does and that's where he's taking me! it was a female lizard and 'she would just love him' he says to me. so, call me cruella deville but i'm not taking him there, so i spy some huge plants nearby and abruptly change direction. kids are fast movers, it didn't appear to confuse them, and i explained 'he just wants to calm down and eat and be free.' so mission accomplished. the best part? how quick kids are to be your friend and come along with you. the not so best part? my friend wondering wtf is megan?
Sunday, April 17, 2011
:)
it's been a great week, and only one more week of spring semester left!!! ya-hoo!!!
i'm thrilled to be almost done, no surprise. this semester has been very interesting, and so different from last. for one, i've had a semester long group project to do in my performance systems analysis class. and with a client, the florida equivalent of the dmv. and for 2, the part time job. so yes, it'll feel extraordinary to finish our paper and present our recommendations to our client.
the job this semester has been a real blessing as well. not much in terms of pay, but anything is a boon! and i get to keep it, going into summer.
summer will be crazy this year. i finally found an internship, hooray again! and this will be 20 hours a week. so with my other job, at around 17, it'll be serious work to maintain that balance. but hopefully, i'll still be able to do homework on the job. my class load will be the same at full time status, but the internship is one of those classes, so the classwork should be relatively minor. we shall see.
we had a seminar yesterday for my department, instructional systems, and it was so informational. we had different workshops and a panel of speakers came from all over. these were alumni who basically painted a picure of what we could do when we graduate. so of course, it was fascinating. i gained many valuable tips, and did some networking (which i'm STILL learning is so key). lots of sweet new people to meet, and it was really just a wonderful experience to get their perspectives from their varying industries. probably the single most important thing i learned was that reinforcement/remotivation in networking. fsu is big on that. and it shows.
i'm thrilled to be almost done, no surprise. this semester has been very interesting, and so different from last. for one, i've had a semester long group project to do in my performance systems analysis class. and with a client, the florida equivalent of the dmv. and for 2, the part time job. so yes, it'll feel extraordinary to finish our paper and present our recommendations to our client.
the job this semester has been a real blessing as well. not much in terms of pay, but anything is a boon! and i get to keep it, going into summer.
summer will be crazy this year. i finally found an internship, hooray again! and this will be 20 hours a week. so with my other job, at around 17, it'll be serious work to maintain that balance. but hopefully, i'll still be able to do homework on the job. my class load will be the same at full time status, but the internship is one of those classes, so the classwork should be relatively minor. we shall see.
we had a seminar yesterday for my department, instructional systems, and it was so informational. we had different workshops and a panel of speakers came from all over. these were alumni who basically painted a picure of what we could do when we graduate. so of course, it was fascinating. i gained many valuable tips, and did some networking (which i'm STILL learning is so key). lots of sweet new people to meet, and it was really just a wonderful experience to get their perspectives from their varying industries. probably the single most important thing i learned was that reinforcement/remotivation in networking. fsu is big on that. and it shows.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
spring break and other good times
wow, the year is flying by! i love it. i just spent a week in leadville again, snowboarding for 3 days and relaxing on the others. it was lovely to be there, to admire the snow covered mountains and all that muted with winter beauty. and so great to catch up with old and new friends. stayed with dawn, she's like family. and her kitties too. it was delicious to just relax and do nothing and pet cats, hers and the neighbors' too. jaycie and jason had a baby girl, sloan, 9 weeks ago, and it was so sweet to see them and hold her. they're just exhausted and kept making me laugh (nervously ha ha) with comments like 'you'll get yours one day, megan!'
it was great.
also got to see maura and parkes and eat @ tennessee pass restaurant....and haz and kim, dawn and i met them at this place that pretty much sucks for mexican food, but the sopapilla are to die for. powdered sugar=yum! maura was hard to read, as she was mostly intoxicated, haha, but she gave me a big hug and was happy, so that was awesome. parkes is thinking she'll move to hawaii in the next year or so. i'm so stoked for her. she mentioned it before, last year when i lived there, and we had some good talks about it. of course, i think it's a fabulous idea....insofar as what she'll do there, i didn't ask and it didn't come up. in my opinion, that part doesn't much matter. this girl has been working her tail off for some time and deserves the chance to regroup/re-evaluate where she is headed. she indicated to me last time we spoke, that she was considering leaving teaching....of course, i'm all for that as well....
another day, dawn and i drove out to salida to do a little shopping....thrift store, technical clothing store, and hit up some hot springs....THAT was especially enjoyable....the skies were blue, and the breeze was chilly, but that hot hot water was the perfect antidote....there's a small place just above buena vista, about 40 miles south of leadville, called 'cottonwood springs' that has 3 pools, and is only $10 mon-thursday...we passed this on the way to the continental divide, at the top of independence pass 2 summers ago, so i've been wanting to go....who doesn't love a good natural spring even if it has been commercialized?
so yeah...it was a seriously hedonistic vacation. :) the last day, i left early so that i could go through the denver temple....that was wonderful and i left feeling inside as President Hinckley promised "a little bit better." hooray for the restored gospel found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!
it was great.
also got to see maura and parkes and eat @ tennessee pass restaurant....and haz and kim, dawn and i met them at this place that pretty much sucks for mexican food, but the sopapilla are to die for. powdered sugar=yum! maura was hard to read, as she was mostly intoxicated, haha, but she gave me a big hug and was happy, so that was awesome. parkes is thinking she'll move to hawaii in the next year or so. i'm so stoked for her. she mentioned it before, last year when i lived there, and we had some good talks about it. of course, i think it's a fabulous idea....insofar as what she'll do there, i didn't ask and it didn't come up. in my opinion, that part doesn't much matter. this girl has been working her tail off for some time and deserves the chance to regroup/re-evaluate where she is headed. she indicated to me last time we spoke, that she was considering leaving teaching....of course, i'm all for that as well....
another day, dawn and i drove out to salida to do a little shopping....thrift store, technical clothing store, and hit up some hot springs....THAT was especially enjoyable....the skies were blue, and the breeze was chilly, but that hot hot water was the perfect antidote....there's a small place just above buena vista, about 40 miles south of leadville, called 'cottonwood springs' that has 3 pools, and is only $10 mon-thursday...we passed this on the way to the continental divide, at the top of independence pass 2 summers ago, so i've been wanting to go....who doesn't love a good natural spring even if it has been commercialized?
so yeah...it was a seriously hedonistic vacation. :) the last day, i left early so that i could go through the denver temple....that was wonderful and i left feeling inside as President Hinckley promised "a little bit better." hooray for the restored gospel found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
capital A for awesome
first semester of this masters' in instructional systems is DOWN!!! woo-freaking-hoo! it's been an interesting journey, and i did it. as ivy said, after her first piano recital (my 8 year old niece), "i'm so proud of me!"
haha. but really. it was hard, but i enjoyed it, and learned a great deal. i'm excited for the next semester and then of course, for the progress that gradually marches on. for next semester i finally have a job, so that'll be nice. i'll be working as the attendant in two different computer labs on campus. about 18 hours a week. i'll have another 3 classes. by the way, classes i just finished were 'instructional systems' (still waiting on my grade), human resource development (online and a butt kicker), and theories of learning and cognition. for spring i will have performance systems analysis, staff training and development (online), and an inquiry and measurement course. i'm thrilled about the job, it'll feel great to be saving money for when i'm done here. plus, it'll be wonderful to have more things going on in my life, more chances to interact with others and just not be by myself so much. :) also, i have 3 shifts at night, so hopefully i'll be able to work on homework in that time....
other changes i'm looking forward to are living in a new apartment and part of town. the area i was in was off campus student housing in a character-less neighborhood, and really not so bad, i just abhorred the linoleum floors. nasty to walk on and then annoying to clean. so the carpet will be a simple joy. it would be nice to get to use my rad vacuum that did travel across the entire length of the united states....another small thrill will be having 2 sinks in the kitchen, AND more counter space. so yay for minor luxuries. i'm sure i never would have enjoyed life quite so much in a prior generation.....
haha. but really. it was hard, but i enjoyed it, and learned a great deal. i'm excited for the next semester and then of course, for the progress that gradually marches on. for next semester i finally have a job, so that'll be nice. i'll be working as the attendant in two different computer labs on campus. about 18 hours a week. i'll have another 3 classes. by the way, classes i just finished were 'instructional systems' (still waiting on my grade), human resource development (online and a butt kicker), and theories of learning and cognition. for spring i will have performance systems analysis, staff training and development (online), and an inquiry and measurement course. i'm thrilled about the job, it'll feel great to be saving money for when i'm done here. plus, it'll be wonderful to have more things going on in my life, more chances to interact with others and just not be by myself so much. :) also, i have 3 shifts at night, so hopefully i'll be able to work on homework in that time....
other changes i'm looking forward to are living in a new apartment and part of town. the area i was in was off campus student housing in a character-less neighborhood, and really not so bad, i just abhorred the linoleum floors. nasty to walk on and then annoying to clean. so the carpet will be a simple joy. it would be nice to get to use my rad vacuum that did travel across the entire length of the united states....another small thrill will be having 2 sinks in the kitchen, AND more counter space. so yay for minor luxuries. i'm sure i never would have enjoyed life quite so much in a prior generation.....
Sunday, September 05, 2010
settling in
so after the initial twilight zone experience, "uh, is this really my new home/dorm?" i'm really diggin' on my new place. it's nothing fancy, or heck, even modern for that matter, but it'll do. i didn't have to pay for furniture (just a bed) and i have vaulted ceilings with beautiful views of green, what more is there? it's also lovely quiet, which is priceless.....
i'm discovering new bugs. or old bugs, depending upon how you look at it. some huge thing, that actually can fly, was dead outside my door the other day. a new species to me. i posted on facebook and found out from a friend, it was actually a cicada. or those bugs in the desert (that i've been listening to for years!) that make that crazy constant buzz sound. if you don't know what i'm talking about, you get used to the sound, so it's easy to tune out. and now i know what i'm hearing. i wonder what other freak creatures i've heard but not known?!
my neighbors are mostly chinese, i met the girl next door, the day before she was leaving. she's also chinese and told me that that's why she's leaving. "too chinese village here for me" was her comment. i smiled. i wonder where she ended up. i have yet to meet anyone else, we just smile at each other and go about our business.
anne took me down to st. marks today....it's a place down by the gulf. so that was my first time really getting out. it was lovely to feel the area around here. it's odd when you can only see the trees around, because everything is so flat. the trees and greenery is as bright and ancient looking as it could be, so i never tire of looking around and feeling/seeing it. but i do miss them mountains! many of these old twisty trees are right out of novels and movies...that look like they have lots of stories to tell...the kind with the hanging brown thread that looks like it's been there forever, living with the branches....anne says this is full of chiggers. uh, that's good to know. her brother apparently thought it would be funny to wear it one day he was visiting. and it was funny, only then he got chiggers. not so funny. -note to self, no costuming from the chigger plants...
p.s. and the gulf? greenery up to the water, with a lovely lighthouse built in the mid 1800's. and used during the civil war. lot's of beautiful orange with ornate patterns butterflies. there are crocs in all the swampies leading up to it, but they must have been hiding out/keeping cool under the water. no beach to speak of. just rocks everywhere and the water was a grayish non-inviting color. the beaches are about 2 hours away. i can't wait!
Friday, August 27, 2010
FIRST EVER solo cross country drive 2010
what a good time that was! i left yucca valley, california and drove for almost 4 days. the drive was perfect, luckily i spaced the days out so i wasn't too mental at the end. the entire trip was almost all on highway 10 heading east of course. which means i was on the southmost highway, so that was fun. i have never gone this far before nor have i seen all that i did! unless you count that time we drove to texas when i was 6 with my dad. however all i seem to recall is long stretches of brown and dads' way nasty habit of 'hocking a loog?' and then spitting it out the window. good times....i wonder what jude remembers?
i had never been east of phoenix, along that route, so it was fascinating to watch the terrain change. and it did drastically. i had no idea that arizona would turn from desert into green and red! it was all gorgeous. the landscape was lush and frankly the antithesis of my imagination. and then i saw rock piles, to equal those in joshua tree, and i was more in love.
and texas was more of the same, minus the rock piles. which further blew my mind! my image of texas (this was my first ADULT time to see it, mind you) was NOT of verdant land or luscious green plants every which way! i have never seen an ocotillo that was actually green, and i had no idea they even did that, ha ha. the ones in the desert are like driftwood!
anyway, it was beautiful.
of course, texas took a day and a half to drive through.
which is also mind blowing.
the rest, louisiana, mississippi, alabama, and then florida were all pretty much alike. seen lots of south florida, but never the other states. they are just green and wet and crazy rainstormy. which is what happened the night i drove into mobile, alabama.
this was a night i will never forget because i saw purple lightning for the first time. yes!
it was gorgeous. gigantic bolts like from a graphic novel. and truly purple. it was surreal. it's something about how high up they are in the atmosphere, that turns them that color, mom was telling me.
anyway, i hope to never forget. the rainstorm that followed was pretty intense too. i made it to my hotel just in time to get only a little soaking.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
good story
so....here's a story from camp.....they had this barbed wire fence that the kids had to go over....they built what's called a 'sty' which was just steps that went up and over it. as we were coming back from our journey, and while crossing the sty again, one of the kids, jesus, turns and says, "wow, that thing is really cool! they should put one of those at the border. it would sure make things easier!"
Friday, May 14, 2010
:)
it's late for me....after 10pm.....i just came home from probably one of the top scariest drives....dumping snow as i ascended and descended fremont pass...elevation over 11,000 feet. remember how the stars look in movies or shows where spaceships jump to warp speed? yeah, that's how driving was EXACTLY tonight. i was glad for the car in front....they'll never know how much.
another week has flown by. i find myself smiling and happy inside at it's close. it began with that huge trip to camp with my 6th graders. and it went by rather fast, and yet slow at the same time. i had a few moments while it was going on to feel grateful to be there. it was somewhat of a break from teaching, although the around the clock part wasn't. but it was sweet to have those few moments with the kids where i got to know them a tiny bit better. a few of the timid ones approached me, which i loved. 6th grade is such an interesting age.
anyway, i will feel like i just climbed mt. everest when this school year is over. just 13 days left....
it's such a hard job for me. why? i can't be myself. i find that extremely grueling and puzzling. i'm someone else when i'm a teacher, and i really hate that. i think that's the problem deep down. on one level i connect with the sense of responsibility that IS the job, that's the part i like i guess. on the other hand, it's not fun to put kids at a distance. which seems to me to be the only way to maintain control. -sigh- i am doing my best, so that's a comfort, but i wish that were good enough. i feel like i cheat the kids in this mindset, but i don't know any other way. so there it is. i'm always searching and consistently not finding. i wonder will that ever end?
another week has flown by. i find myself smiling and happy inside at it's close. it began with that huge trip to camp with my 6th graders. and it went by rather fast, and yet slow at the same time. i had a few moments while it was going on to feel grateful to be there. it was somewhat of a break from teaching, although the around the clock part wasn't. but it was sweet to have those few moments with the kids where i got to know them a tiny bit better. a few of the timid ones approached me, which i loved. 6th grade is such an interesting age.
anyway, i will feel like i just climbed mt. everest when this school year is over. just 13 days left....
it's such a hard job for me. why? i can't be myself. i find that extremely grueling and puzzling. i'm someone else when i'm a teacher, and i really hate that. i think that's the problem deep down. on one level i connect with the sense of responsibility that IS the job, that's the part i like i guess. on the other hand, it's not fun to put kids at a distance. which seems to me to be the only way to maintain control. -sigh- i am doing my best, so that's a comfort, but i wish that were good enough. i feel like i cheat the kids in this mindset, but i don't know any other way. so there it is. i'm always searching and consistently not finding. i wonder will that ever end?
Monday, March 22, 2010
a good time
sunday was pretty sweet. i had a little girl, who is 6, look at the biblical scroll i made and then perfectly draw it, with 3d characteristics. that was pretty impressive. and then she waited so adorably for me to tell her exactly how to spell "i love jesus" which she copied down with 6 year old precision. it was awesome. and her name is shelby. teaching the ctr's is very good for me....
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
another day
another day has just rolled on through. unlike me, i joined a gym last week. and even more unlike me, i don't feel like working out. i go snowboarding for usually 4 hours every saturday, this week i also went monday, and for whatever reason, that feels like enough.
which it's totally not.
i'm more interested in watching movies. i'm on some sort of mission to use my netflix account twice a week. so much eye candy. i just finished 'in the land of women.' i think i saw that with my mom the first time. i loved it, the main character especially. i easily fell in love with him. i hope i get to marry a writer. there is just nothing sexier than someone who can express himself verbally.
-sigh-
as i walked out of the elevator and down the hall towards my front door i heard ominous barking. the barking got louder the closer i got to my door and when i turned my head to look, i saw a couple of FIERCE looking chihauhuas racing towards me. i barely made it inside. that was definitely the scariest part of my day. ;)
i was reading this book i keep and reread every few years and this part hit me again last night. it talks about how the ability to forgive can't really be achieved until the person wanting to forgive expresses how they were wronged. like gets it all out. huh. very interesting i think and very true. this expression need not be directly to that person, often that wouldn't help, but indirectly is the recommended way. write a letter, whatever. this is something to think about again and apply. i think i'm almost entirely close to forgiving my dad. it feels like this would be an exercise worth doing. life is too short, what am i waiting for?
also, insofar as forgiving people for the small things, it makes me smile when i think about also applying this technique. so here i go: "dawn, i really wish you had listened to me. i DID not ask for you to cut all my hair off. i feel like the person i used to be, the person who chose destructive habits, when i look in the mirror and see my short hair. you don't know this, but it sucks to be reminded. so i'm ticked at you for not listening and for not knowing how personal this is for me. and how could you? -sigh-"
the end.
p.s. thanks for the homemade brownies, ms. g. you rock.
p.p.s. or p.s.s.? i want a polaroid camera. so i take pics of the funny shirts kids wear in my classes.
which it's totally not.
i'm more interested in watching movies. i'm on some sort of mission to use my netflix account twice a week. so much eye candy. i just finished 'in the land of women.' i think i saw that with my mom the first time. i loved it, the main character especially. i easily fell in love with him. i hope i get to marry a writer. there is just nothing sexier than someone who can express himself verbally.
-sigh-
as i walked out of the elevator and down the hall towards my front door i heard ominous barking. the barking got louder the closer i got to my door and when i turned my head to look, i saw a couple of FIERCE looking chihauhuas racing towards me. i barely made it inside. that was definitely the scariest part of my day. ;)
i was reading this book i keep and reread every few years and this part hit me again last night. it talks about how the ability to forgive can't really be achieved until the person wanting to forgive expresses how they were wronged. like gets it all out. huh. very interesting i think and very true. this expression need not be directly to that person, often that wouldn't help, but indirectly is the recommended way. write a letter, whatever. this is something to think about again and apply. i think i'm almost entirely close to forgiving my dad. it feels like this would be an exercise worth doing. life is too short, what am i waiting for?
also, insofar as forgiving people for the small things, it makes me smile when i think about also applying this technique. so here i go: "dawn, i really wish you had listened to me. i DID not ask for you to cut all my hair off. i feel like the person i used to be, the person who chose destructive habits, when i look in the mirror and see my short hair. you don't know this, but it sucks to be reminded. so i'm ticked at you for not listening and for not knowing how personal this is for me. and how could you? -sigh-"
the end.
p.s. thanks for the homemade brownies, ms. g. you rock.
p.p.s. or p.s.s.? i want a polaroid camera. so i take pics of the funny shirts kids wear in my classes.
Friday, February 12, 2010
a 3 day weekend stretches before me.....
what a lovely feeling it is too! tomorrow i sleep in.....then off to a delicious breakfast.....then a day of snowboarding.
i don't require much.
i should be studying for the gre but i confess my heart would rather not. i'll study on monday a little, and then each day next week....it'll be my last week to cram and i'm sure to use it. cramming is the only way to stay sane, in my case.
it's been a funny week at work. i'm flabbergasted at how many times i've gotten sick here. took a half day on monday, and then the whole day off yesterday. had a fever for at least a day. and this is the third time i've been sick which means every 2 months. which is crazy talk for me. i hardly ever get sick. especially in hawaii. in fact, in hawaii, the least, if ever. i find that interesting. i think my body is healthier in tropical climes. which means florida should also be good for me. time will tell.
i've gotten all my documents into florida state. i'm beginning to get pretty excited about this next adventure. i'm really not worried about the gre, i hope i'm not being cocky. but truly, i'm not worried. i can do it.
for the next two weeks, i have four day workweeks. i'm looking forward to that. i'm also really beginning to feel like i'm hitting my stride, when it comes to teaching math. i am progressing, which is really all i can ask of myself. it's annoying being a perfectionist, but i manage. ha ha. but, yes, i am doing fine and i'm so grateful for the marvelous coworkers i have that are such a huge comfort to me. not to mention the Spirit! woo-hoo!
i don't require much.
i should be studying for the gre but i confess my heart would rather not. i'll study on monday a little, and then each day next week....it'll be my last week to cram and i'm sure to use it. cramming is the only way to stay sane, in my case.
it's been a funny week at work. i'm flabbergasted at how many times i've gotten sick here. took a half day on monday, and then the whole day off yesterday. had a fever for at least a day. and this is the third time i've been sick which means every 2 months. which is crazy talk for me. i hardly ever get sick. especially in hawaii. in fact, in hawaii, the least, if ever. i find that interesting. i think my body is healthier in tropical climes. which means florida should also be good for me. time will tell.
i've gotten all my documents into florida state. i'm beginning to get pretty excited about this next adventure. i'm really not worried about the gre, i hope i'm not being cocky. but truly, i'm not worried. i can do it.
for the next two weeks, i have four day workweeks. i'm looking forward to that. i'm also really beginning to feel like i'm hitting my stride, when it comes to teaching math. i am progressing, which is really all i can ask of myself. it's annoying being a perfectionist, but i manage. ha ha. but, yes, i am doing fine and i'm so grateful for the marvelous coworkers i have that are such a huge comfort to me. not to mention the Spirit! woo-hoo!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
:)
such a grand day. i woke to blue skies and the possibility of snow and that delicious feeling when you realize you DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW.
yes. a great feeling. and then church today was especially wonderful. a young family in my ward that i just adore were all speaking during sacrament. such earnest and heartfelt testimonies about the importance of serving others and in being good examples as we all are missionaries. i felt the Spirit all through their talks. their two little boys, 8 and 5, also gave talks and then sang. YES, they sang a song by themselves, "We are as the army of Helamen..." it was moving and beautiful coming from such pure little people. i was deeply affected.
so affected that i kind of embarrassed myself after the prayer. which i gave. and that was wonderful, but then i turned around and reached down to hug the mom while they were still sitting there (a long hug) while the entire ward was waiting for the Sunday school guy to walk up and give his announcements. so everyone probably got a great view of my butt over the pulpit. awesome.
anyway. that was some good times.
my lesson with the little ctr 4-7 year olds had another moment. little abby, who was visiting and is 5, and just adorable with her brightness and dimples, made me laugh. i asked, "what should you do if your mom asked you to make your bed but you're friends were standing at the door, tapping their feet, and waiting for you to come play?" she responded something along the lines of 'that would never happen, i would have already made my bed, and i directly quote "my mom is a clean freak." once i registerd what she said, i got her to repeat it, and of course i couldn't laugh, so i just smiled. and under her breath she said, "yeah, it's annoying." from a 5 year old too. hilarious kid.
anyway....i'm really grateful to get this age group. they are recharging my tolerance batteries. i just love love the littler ones. they also drew pictures today to show themselves in situations where they were doing things Jesus would want them to do. arturo drew himself digging up a worm for a bird "so that he wouldn't be hungry when he hatched." radness.
and there it is. another beautiful day. tomorrow, i get to board as long as i want....hopefully we will get some new snow too!
yes. a great feeling. and then church today was especially wonderful. a young family in my ward that i just adore were all speaking during sacrament. such earnest and heartfelt testimonies about the importance of serving others and in being good examples as we all are missionaries. i felt the Spirit all through their talks. their two little boys, 8 and 5, also gave talks and then sang. YES, they sang a song by themselves, "We are as the army of Helamen..." it was moving and beautiful coming from such pure little people. i was deeply affected.
so affected that i kind of embarrassed myself after the prayer. which i gave. and that was wonderful, but then i turned around and reached down to hug the mom while they were still sitting there (a long hug) while the entire ward was waiting for the Sunday school guy to walk up and give his announcements. so everyone probably got a great view of my butt over the pulpit. awesome.
anyway. that was some good times.
my lesson with the little ctr 4-7 year olds had another moment. little abby, who was visiting and is 5, and just adorable with her brightness and dimples, made me laugh. i asked, "what should you do if your mom asked you to make your bed but you're friends were standing at the door, tapping their feet, and waiting for you to come play?" she responded something along the lines of 'that would never happen, i would have already made my bed, and i directly quote "my mom is a clean freak." once i registerd what she said, i got her to repeat it, and of course i couldn't laugh, so i just smiled. and under her breath she said, "yeah, it's annoying." from a 5 year old too. hilarious kid.
anyway....i'm really grateful to get this age group. they are recharging my tolerance batteries. i just love love the littler ones. they also drew pictures today to show themselves in situations where they were doing things Jesus would want them to do. arturo drew himself digging up a worm for a bird "so that he wouldn't be hungry when he hatched." radness.
and there it is. another beautiful day. tomorrow, i get to board as long as i want....hopefully we will get some new snow too!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
a fun day
so i had probably one of the FUNNEST days last saturday.....i think the thing that will stick in my memory the longest is meeting a 10 year old on a ski lift. he decided to follow me to my chair, i honestly didn't notice since my back was to him. i was slightly annoyed, since i was sure he'd start talking and i'd have to turn my headphones off. aren't i horrible? so we talked, he was quite self-confident and i found myself grinning in amusement at that. while also chastising self for not being more open. i love kids, but i'm tired of them. teaching for 8 hours in a day is really sucking that level of love down to almost inline with the grinch, i swear! i've got to work on that, totally uncool.
anyway. he was adorable. cherubic face, so bright and totally unconscious of self. the last is my favorite thing about kids. they just do what they do. and he did. told me about the different runs on the mountain, clearly he'd been there much. when questioned, sure 'nuff and this jewel, his reply was, "yeah, i've been skiing since i was less than a year old."
oh really???
lol.
so funny. couldn't call him on it, besides, it was more fun to just listen. then he told me all about climbing the fourteeners around here. apparently, his mom runs the lodge on the mountain we were on too. at one point, he mused about having a remote control to control life. he wondered if i thought that would be cool. of course at this point, i did call him on it, by pointing out "yeah, like in the movie 'click it?" maybe slightly not nice, but i was also looking to see if he'd seen it....
another jewel of a moment, was when, on our second lift ride together, on these heinously slow chairs, he said, "if i had a remote, right now i would use it to fast forward this chair." he wasn't saying it to be funny. kids are great. he reminded me to not lose my sense of humor.....thanks, conner!
anyway. he was adorable. cherubic face, so bright and totally unconscious of self. the last is my favorite thing about kids. they just do what they do. and he did. told me about the different runs on the mountain, clearly he'd been there much. when questioned, sure 'nuff and this jewel, his reply was, "yeah, i've been skiing since i was less than a year old."
oh really???
lol.
so funny. couldn't call him on it, besides, it was more fun to just listen. then he told me all about climbing the fourteeners around here. apparently, his mom runs the lodge on the mountain we were on too. at one point, he mused about having a remote control to control life. he wondered if i thought that would be cool. of course at this point, i did call him on it, by pointing out "yeah, like in the movie 'click it?" maybe slightly not nice, but i was also looking to see if he'd seen it....
another jewel of a moment, was when, on our second lift ride together, on these heinously slow chairs, he said, "if i had a remote, right now i would use it to fast forward this chair." he wasn't saying it to be funny. kids are great. he reminded me to not lose my sense of humor.....thanks, conner!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
a great sabbath
today was marvelous. i got to give the lesson in gospel doctrine and i just love that. it's always nerve wracking but everything turns out thanks to the Spirit. i prayed really hard that He would be with me and the people in class and He was! i always feel so strong and yet so weak at the same time, teaching like that. i cry and yadda yadda. but several people came up afterwards and said how good it went, so i am glad. especially glad that it's over, ha!
next week i start teaching the ctr's. this will be interesting because apparently my class will be combined with the kids below in age. so i will have 6,7 and 8 year olds. a wide disparity in ages will make for some interesting times. the primary president said that this will change with the new year, that another teacher will be called. hallelujah!
speaking of, things are moving really fast and i'm so looking forward to the next year! so much could be different just half way through this next year, so i'm thrilled as i contemplate it. i am going to start studying for the GRE in the next week or so. i'd like to take it when i go home for christmas. i am waiting on a friends' advice as to how much time i should devote in preparation. the deadline to apply for the program at byu provo is february 1st......
but i'm also really looking forward to the upcoming vacations and going home to be with my mom. she's doing good, but work life is making her crazy. we will both welcome the break and each other's company.
this week are parent teacher conferences and i feel a deep sense of calm from the Spirit. i would love to freak out about it, but i won't. there's no need. i'm doing my best and i know that and that's all anyone can expect. so i do really feel good about the conferences. AND i have taken the day off right after. so this will be a 4 day work week for me, sweet!!!
there's a singles conference this weekend down in denver that i might go to. i already have to go to denver on friday to pick dawn up from the airport. but then i'm dropping her off to pick up her car in the shop and so she will have a ride home.....so we shall see.
other than these things, life is good. my body is strong and healthy and the chiropractor is a serious blessing. my neck pain is almost all gone and i know now how stress induced it is. key: refuse to be stressed!
next week i start teaching the ctr's. this will be interesting because apparently my class will be combined with the kids below in age. so i will have 6,7 and 8 year olds. a wide disparity in ages will make for some interesting times. the primary president said that this will change with the new year, that another teacher will be called. hallelujah!
speaking of, things are moving really fast and i'm so looking forward to the next year! so much could be different just half way through this next year, so i'm thrilled as i contemplate it. i am going to start studying for the GRE in the next week or so. i'd like to take it when i go home for christmas. i am waiting on a friends' advice as to how much time i should devote in preparation. the deadline to apply for the program at byu provo is february 1st......
but i'm also really looking forward to the upcoming vacations and going home to be with my mom. she's doing good, but work life is making her crazy. we will both welcome the break and each other's company.
this week are parent teacher conferences and i feel a deep sense of calm from the Spirit. i would love to freak out about it, but i won't. there's no need. i'm doing my best and i know that and that's all anyone can expect. so i do really feel good about the conferences. AND i have taken the day off right after. so this will be a 4 day work week for me, sweet!!!
there's a singles conference this weekend down in denver that i might go to. i already have to go to denver on friday to pick dawn up from the airport. but then i'm dropping her off to pick up her car in the shop and so she will have a ride home.....so we shall see.
other than these things, life is good. my body is strong and healthy and the chiropractor is a serious blessing. my neck pain is almost all gone and i know now how stress induced it is. key: refuse to be stressed!
Thursday, November 05, 2009
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